I Need Help

Posted on by Dani Aquino Posted in JournalTagged , , , , , , ,

Writing this in haste. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I can’t talk to people around me about this. It’s just becoming too much. One moment, I’m okay. The next, I want to kill myself. It’s unhealthy. And none of what I always do to feel better works anymore.

I read through my journal today and noticed that ever since the first day of June I felt like this. Only it’s gotten worse day by day.

I’m off the meds. Now I can’t afford to get myself checked up again and get prescriptions because I’m broke. I lost my job from the pandemic, I’m not earning any money, I’ve exhausted all my savings. I’m not eating properly, I can’t sleep at night yet I sleep off the entire mid-morning and afternoon. Bags are forming under my eyes again. I want to be productive but don’t have the energy to deal with everything.

The weight of it all now I’m carrying on my shoulders. I’m freaking out. I’m constantly anxious, jittery, stressed, irritated, on the edge, and have constant headaches. It’s rarely I don’t have breakdowns everyday.

And tonight, a friend messaged me. Says she needed someone to talk to. I felt even worse because I couldn’t attend to her. I told her I’m not equipped to talk about serious stuff right now, let alone handle my own issues.

I’m on the edge. Nothing works anymore.

33 thoughts on “I Need Help”

  1. Reply
    Shannie Alvarez says:

    You are very special and this is why the world is messing with you and making you feel insecure about things. Stay true to God and His calling He has for you, dear friend. I have been exactly where you are and PLEASE do not let the world convince you that you are not good enough!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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  4. Reply
    Susan Hanshaw says:

    Your fears about finances are so understandable. These are scary times and a feeling of financial security is a basic need for most of us. I encourage you to remind yourself that you have made it to this point and trust that you will continue to move through this difficult time. Have faith that you’re in the care of a loving universe that will take care of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Danica Aquino says:

      I’m never losing my faith because of people like you, so willing to help by giving words of encouragement even on the internet. For that, I’m deeply grateful. I hope you are doing well right now and keeping yourself healthy 🙏🏼

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Reply
    ZeroSpace says:

    Good for you taking care of your needs. Some people would have taken on their friends stuff and subsequently felt even more distressed instead of setting that boundary. I think it’s great you did that.
    What all these people are saying about taking advantage of any kind of financial help for the unemployed via government programs or whatever – that’s good advice. When you have a moment where you can get your mind together anyway.
    I used sleep hypnosis / meditation to get my sleep back on track when I could not sleep at night. Look up “Sleep Hypnosis for Anxiety” by Jody Whitely on YouTube. There’s a bunch of other meditation for anxiety and various things that I find helpful. But sometimes it takes a while when you feel like a wire with too much current running through it.
    What is your career field and what country are you in? I do HR and I’ve helped a few people get jobs by giving them pointers on their resumes. I’m in USA though, no idea where you’re at. Hope things get better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Danica Aquino says:

      Hello! Sorry if my response is a bit late, I’ve taken time off blogging. Thank you for these resources you mentioned, I sure would look them up. Lately, I’ve been practicing yoga and meditation and I’ve seen a positive increase in my overall mood and sleeping habits. I’ve also exhausted all the financial help I could get from our government, and somehow I’m still able to keep myself afloat, though I’m still looking for a job now.

      Thank you for your kind words! It means a lot. I hope you are doing well and healthy.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Danica Aquino says:

      I’ve exhausted all the resources and help I could get from the government, apparently it’s not much. But I’m getting by now, doing better now. Thank you so much for your kind words. This means a lot !

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Reply
    magicalnormal says:

    Please know that you are loved and that I am praying for you. It is a hard time right now, but you have courageously spoken out, which is a strong step towards healing. Keep moving forward by reaching out to a friend or one of the organizations that have been posted on here. Take care 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Reply
    varjakBaby says:

    As far as your economic situation goes, I would guess it would be hard for any of us to give practical advice without knowing more–and then there’s your privacy you should be thinking about on top of it all. So I am not sure. Have you considered public services offered by either non-profits or government organizaitons for career outplacement, development, unemployment benefits, disability benefits, that sort of thing? It varies from state to state but if your state has any I would definitely exploit them. That’s what they’re there for.

    I hope your friend can support you in some way, as well. Even having a sofa to sleep on in case shit hits the fan can be a life-saver.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. varjakBaby says:

      I would also check out what NAMI (Naitonal Association for Mental Illness) has to offer. They seem to be a pretty good resource from what I have heard, though I am not familiar with the details.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Danica Aquino says:

      Thank you for your kind words. I’ve exhausted all the resources and financial help I could get from our government, apparently it’s not much. But I’m still able to keep myself afloat. My friends are very supportive in their own way and I’m deeply grateful for it.

      Thank you so much for dropping by, I appreciate your words 🙏🏼

      Like

  12. Reply
    Ashwini says:

    Breathe. They say it is darkest before dawn. These are trying times but there’s nothing that can break the human spirit. Knowing that you need help and asking for it takes courage. You already have that. Reach out to someone you know will be able to help. Please. Have faith, this too shall pass.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Reply
    jandm69 says:

    I think there are alotof us there and this pandemic amd all it has to offer has really made every anxiety feel much bigger then it truly is. I hope things turn around quickly for you, I have also found in helping others we truly find an answer in their for us.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Reply
    joedalio says:

    I don’t know what your beliefs are or what your situation is, but I just want you to know I am praying for you. As the previous comment says, you’re never alone. You may feel that way, but please know you are always being guided. I pray that you get through this, and it leads you to be stronger than ever before.

    Liked by 2 people

    2. joedalio says:

      You’re very welcome. Can’t believe it’s been two months already. I’m doing great and hope you are too. I will continue to pray for you, and can’t wait to hear about positive steps on your life journey 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Danica Aquino says:

      Yes, it’s been two months! Can’t believe it either. I’ve taken time off blogging to center myself with hope and positivity. I came back overwhelmed by how good people are in the blogosphere, willing to share their words of encouragement and prayers for a stranger like me. And you are one of them. I’m deeply grateful 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Reply
    ishanikhemka says:

    you’re never alone. remember that. i had an episode like this last night, and today i was working normally as though nothing had happened. it’s weird, horrible and messy. but you will get through this. much happiness and love

    Liked by 1 person

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